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Showing Up as Your Authentic Self at Work with Lexie Burton-Brown
37:08 with TreehouseQuality Assurance Manager Lexie Burton-Brown discusses how to balance personal life vs work life, especially in these tumultuous times.
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All right.
Hey, everyone.
0:07
Gill here and
now like to introduce Lexi Burton-Brown.
0:08
Lexi is currently located in Decatur,
Georgia.
0:13
And today she starts a new Job as
a Senior Quality engineering Manager at
0:17
Better Cloud.
0:21
And prior to that, Lexi was at
Mail Chimp for almost ten years.
0:23
She is an avid reader, puzzler and bowler.
0:26
She's incredibly passionate about
management, leadership and advocacy.
0:29
Everyone please welcome, Lexi.
0:34
>> So, talking about myself is
super awkward, so thank you for
0:36
that introduction.
0:40
Two additional things that I want to note.
0:42
I have a kitty named Bella,
0:45
who is actually being very chill
right next to me right now.
0:47
So maybe she won't make an appearance.
0:52
She may.
0:54
And I do not love slides.
0:55
I did make some, but
we don't have the time.
0:58
But I do want to have a really
good conversation, so
1:00
they're there to kinda help guide that.
1:03
So, we'll get started.
1:06
And some fun facts about myself.
1:10
I'm a huge insecure fan.
1:11
So you will see a lot
of insecure gifts here.
1:13
I love to read.
1:16
My background is real.
1:17
I have a very, very short attention
span and I cannot sit through a movie.
1:19
Yes, Isa Ray fans, great.
1:27
And I choose my travel
destinations based on the food.
1:29
I love food.
1:36
We're gonna talk about that some too,
cool.
1:36
So, as a manager, it's really important
to remember that my direct reports and
1:40
even my colleagues are people.
1:45
It's especially important to
remember that sometimes, and
1:47
it's also sometimes difficult to remember
this because we're working from home.
1:50
But life can spill over into work and
that is okay.
1:54
Being real reminds those around us that
we're human and we're doing our best.
1:57
So, today we're gonna talk about
who our authentic selves are.
2:03
What it means to show up and
bring our authentic selves to work.
2:07
How to show up authentically.
2:12
What can change or
affect how we show up at work.
2:14
Why it matters to show
up authentically and
2:17
then also balancing that
authenticity with professionalism.
2:20
Issa, so, we're gonna start by talking
about who our authentic selves are.
2:28
Outside of work, at the most basic level,
to be our most authentic self,
2:33
I think it means that we
have to be self-aware.
2:38
It's important for us to recognize and
play into our strings, but
2:41
also know where our areas
of improvement are.
2:45
Don't hide from the things that you
aren't good at and don't over compensate.
2:48
Knowing your limits and
when to ask for help is so important.
2:53
It gives us the space and opportunity
to collaborate with our peers and
2:57
to continue learning.
3:00
Even more important, is not being hard on
ourselves for having those limitations.
3:02
We're human and cannot possibly know or
do everything and that's okay.
3:07
Number two, showing up when
you're uncomfortable or afraid.
3:13
When you're nervous or
scared about making a move,
3:16
that move is probably gonna
challenge you in the best way.
3:19
I found myself in meetings
where I've had ideas or
3:23
I wanna contribute to the discussion,
3:26
but getting nervous about my ideas being
shut down or people not liking them.
3:28
Instead of sitting quietly in the corner,
which my brain tells me to do,
3:33
I pushed myself to talk
through what I'm thinking.
3:36
That doesn't mean I'll always succeed
on my first try or even at all, but
3:39
I'll grow and learn through that process.
3:44
And that's really what life is about and
how you continue becoming your best and
3:47
most true self Number three,
trusting yourself.
3:52
Go with your gut.
3:57
If you're a spades player, you've probably
heard the term think long, think long.
3:59
It sounds so cliché, but it's so true.
4:03
Sometimes we over think and doubt
ourselves, think but then take action.
4:06
And even when you don't have the answers
because you'll never have them all,
4:11
you'll have the ability to draw
conclusions worth exploring.
4:15
Imposter syndrome plays
into this really heavy and
4:18
we're gonna get into that in a little bit.
4:20
And number four, knowing, staying
true to and living in your purpose.
4:24
Once you find your purpose,
stay true to it.
4:29
Straying from that is when we get
into the territory of becoming or
4:32
doing what others want us to do or be, and
4:36
that is quite literally the opposite
of being our most authentic selves.
4:38
I also have a dog and
she is being kind of loud.
4:43
I don't know if you guys can hear her.
4:46
[LAUGH] Until it happens right,
4:49
sometimes we do stray from
being our most authentic self.
4:52
But I think what's important
is to catch ourselves and
4:57
steer back on to what we're passionate
about and remaining true to who we are.
5:01
Companies are always saying,
bring your most authentic self to work.
5:09
But what does that even mean?
5:15
Since we talked some about what goes
into being our authentic selves,
5:17
let's talk about what showing up
authentically means, especially at work.
5:21
And I wanna be very clear,
5:25
I am not suggesting that who you
are with your friends at the bar,
5:26
on the weekend after a long work week,
is how you just show up at work.
5:30
If I did that, I would probably get fired.
5:34
I am suggesting that who you are
fundamentally, the life experiences that
5:37
have brought you to where you are right
now, do shape your perspective.
5:41
It shapes what you're passionate about,
how you problem solve,
5:46
your critical thinking skills,
and that is incredibly valuable.
5:49
It's important to know who you are and
to be comfortable in that and
5:52
remember that there is no mold
that you need to fit into.
5:56
That can also mean when the world is
unpleasant, you show up differently.
6:00
You may not be as productive
as you normally are or
6:04
a small talk before a meeting changes.
6:07
Maybe you're not as social and
that's okay too.
6:09
Quick story.
6:13
I've been in management for
about four and a half, five years and
6:14
2020 was the most interesting,
most challenging,
6:18
and also most rewarding year for
me in my management career.
6:21
While I had been working to figure out
what showing up as my authentic self at
6:25
work meant.
6:28
That wasn't necessarily a conversation
I'd had in depth with my team or
6:29
anyone that had reported to me.
6:33
But this year was different, right?
6:36
I'm a black woman and
the summer of 2020 hit me really hard.
6:37
I had to readjust what it meant to be
productive for myself, recognizing that
6:41
that trauma in the world did affect me,
my mood and what I thought was important.
6:46
What also occurred to me,
6:51
is that my reports were
experiencing something similar.
6:53
So we started having conversations
about who we are at work.
6:56
So how, how do you show up authentically?
7:02
Let's dive in to some
ways that we can show up.
7:05
This can be as simple as
what you wear to work.
7:09
Most tech spaces are pretty
locked with dress code.
7:11
So if you're not a chinos and buttoned
down kind of person, don't wear it.
7:15
You feel most confident in what
you're comfortable in skirts,
7:19
T-shirts and chucks are my favorite
uniform at work and in my personal life.
7:22
So that's generally what I wear.
7:27
But I was also pre-pandemic.
7:28
Now I mostly wear sweatpants.
7:30
I put on a real shirt for you guys today.
7:32
A more complex and layered way of how
we show up at work, is code switching.
7:35
For anyone not familiar, code switching is
essentially altering the way you speak or
7:40
express yourself to sound or be more
culturally aligned with those around you.
7:45
After surface, code switching
sounds helpful, relatable and
7:51
like an excellent communication skill.
7:54
But digging a little deeper when
you think about what spaces people
7:56
are expected to code switch, or
who is expected to code switch,
8:00
there are some more complex layers there.
8:04
We won't necessarily get into all of that,
but know that this happens a ton in tech
8:06
spaces, and
especially from people of color.
8:11
So why do we code switch?
8:15
There's this fear, right?
8:17
I'm not sounding as smart or
8:18
that we have to say things in a certain
way to be heard or respected.
8:20
We feel like we have to match
the vernacular of our colleagues in
8:26
order to fit in.
8:29
We've been bred since childhood
to show up in a certain way.
8:30
And sometimes I have to
check myself on this one.
8:34
What I like to remind myself is that,
you know what you're talking about,
8:37
you know how to communicate, and you don't
have to change how you say those things.
8:40
Like I said, code switching can also be
changing how you express yourself to be
8:45
more culturally aligned
with those around you.
8:49
That can look like hiding parts of
yourself because it doesn't fit company
8:51
culture.
8:55
And let me tell you,
8:56
company culture is probably my least
favorite way to describe anything.
8:58
Generally speaking, company culture,
intentional or not,
9:03
desn't allow for additions, growth or
9:07
anything different from the way
things exist currently to thrive.
9:10
Which can lead people who don't fit
that molding, feeling excluded.
9:14
When I started at my previous company,
9:19
I had a really hard time
relating to my peers.
9:21
I didn't brew or drink craft beer.
9:23
I wasn't into the video games.
9:25
I didn't play Dungeons and Dragons.
9:28
I didn't really fit the mold.
9:30
So I didn't feel like I had
anything to contribute.
9:32
And it wasn't until later in my
career there that I felt comfortable
9:34
talking about things that interested me,
9:38
even if it meant other people in
the room did not have that same context.
9:40
To show up authentically means to stop or
really lessen how much we code switch.
9:44
I say lesson because we're conditioned
very early on to code switch and
9:50
stopping can be really hard.
9:54
I'm not saying that you should drop the
F-bomb when you're annoyed in a meeting,
9:56
but encourage yourself to speak as you
would with colleagues that look like you
10:00
or have the same interest as you.
10:03
But do that in a more open
space with more people.
10:05
The more you consciously do it,
the more natural it will become.
10:10
And again, we're humans and we're
conditioned to show up in specific ways.
10:13
So be kind to yourself if you find
yourself falling back into old habits
10:16
So what can affect how
you show up at work?
10:24
There are a ton of things that can shift
how you feel day-to-day, and it's so
10:28
important to control the things you can,
and leave space inflexibility.
10:32
A huge contributing factor to not showing
up as our authentic self is imposter
10:37
syndrome.
10:41
We hear the term a lot but
quickly imposter syndrome is defined as
10:42
feelings of inadequacy that persist
despite evidence of success.
10:46
People dealing with imposter syndrome
will experience self doubt or
10:52
incompetence despite
documented successes and wins.
10:55
And I see this a lot as a manager.
10:59
You see what your peers or
your colleagues present and
11:01
internalize any differences you have
with them as deficits in yourself.
11:04
That turns into feeling of not
deserving or not being qualified.
11:08
When we don't feel like enough, we tend
to show up less as our best self and
11:12
don't perform at our highest potential.
11:16
It's easier said than done, but
you can't internalize those differences.
11:19
A lot of showing up authentically is
confidence in ourselves and our abilities,
11:26
and a lot of redirecting ourselves on
our true path is reminding ourselves
11:31
of how much of a badass we are, and
I hope that I can say that also I'm here.
11:35
Your emotional capacity and mental
capacity can mean a lot of things and
11:40
can change.
11:44
When I first talked about
the summer of 2020 hitting me hard,
11:45
this is exactly what I meant.
11:47
Between the pandemic and social
injustices happening in my community.
11:49
It was hard for
me to show up as my usual Jolly self.
11:53
It was hard to have the bandwidth or small
talk when I joined a Zoom call earlier.
11:56
And I always felt that I had to put
on to not let what was happening in
12:01
the world get to me at work or
change how I showed up at work.
12:05
I'm like getting so
distracted reading these comments.
12:11
I should stop doing that.
12:14
But that's not realistic, right?
12:18
Not letting the world affect
you is not realistic, and
12:19
you'll drain yourself trying to pretend.
12:23
Instead, I practice
vulnerability with my team.
12:26
I would check in with other leaders on my
team and my reports, letting them know
12:29
hey, the world is on fire right now, and
that's normal if your mind is elsewhere.
12:34
Let's refocus and rethink about
what productivity looks like and
12:38
how to better structure your
day to protect your peace.
12:42
This definitely doesn't mean you get
to clock in and not do anything for
12:45
eight hours.
12:49
More about what do you mean to perform at
your best self given the circumstances.
12:50
Fewer meetings, okay, cool.
12:56
Let's connect on Slack.
12:57
Need to be heads down and
crank through some work?
12:59
Cool, let's rework your
schedule to make that happen.
13:01
Don't feel ashamed if you need time and
space, take it.
13:04
I'm gonna share an example.
13:09
Earlier this year one of my
direct reports was looking for
13:10
a new place to live while nearing
the end of her pregnancy.
13:13
On top of that her team had a lot going
on with a lack of clear direction and
13:17
action items.
13:22
We joined a one on one,
13:23
and it caught me very off guard because
she was in tears and so overwhelmed.
13:24
Her team had always sort of function
this way and she was generally fine.
13:29
But with two life events happening at
the same time, it was a lot to handle.
13:33
She wasn't participating in
meetings the way she had been,
13:38
didn't feel like she was
being as productive as usual.
13:40
So we sat down and made a game plan.
13:43
Okay, here's how you talk to the
stakeholders on your team and share with
13:45
them your expectations in order to do
your job efficiently and effectively.
13:49
Tell them the information or
documentation you need.
13:53
Next we talked about how to
prioritize the work she did have.
13:57
What's due immediately?
14:00
What's waiting on another team member
to complete before you can tackle it?
14:02
What isn't important or urgent?
14:05
And that's how she built her to-do list.
14:08
Next, let's figure out how
to structure your day.
14:11
What meetings do you
really need to attend?
14:13
Which ones have notes or
are recorded so you can watch it later?
14:16
What's the meeting that you've really only
attended because you've always done that,
14:20
but it doesn't actually bring any
value to your day or to your work?
14:24
Stop going to those.
14:28
Your mental and emotional space can
affect if you contribute in a meeting and
14:29
the pace at which you work,
your feelings around productivity.
14:34
But showing up authentically is
owning that instead of hiding it and
14:38
working around it.
14:41
And as I said, here is Bella right on cue.
14:43
Lastly, I wanna talk about
psychological safety at work,
14:47
which is kind of in my way.
14:51
Psychological safety is the belief that
you won't be punished or humiliated for
14:55
speaking up.
14:59
Lacking psychological
safety can definitely
15:00
affect how comfortable you are showing
up as your authentic self.
15:03
For example,
15:07
we've talked through some of these ways
that you can show up authentically, right?
15:07
But what if your boss doesn't get it?
15:11
Or your team looks at you funny, or
15:13
your company isn't structured
in a way that supports that?
15:15
My first piece of advice,
would be to find a new job.
15:18
But also while you're still there,
15:21
dive into what's making you feel that
threat and ways that you can address it.
15:23
That can mean talking to your boss about
the importance of psychological safety and
15:28
creating an inclusive environment.
15:33
Forbes has a really,
really great article about this.
15:35
I would recommend reading that, and
that could be chatting with your peers
15:38
on a more casual level and
without code switching.
15:42
Doing it outside of a meeting
can sometimes disarm folks.
15:45
When I started at my last company, I kept
candy on my desk to encourage people to
15:48
talk to me that you can't take
candy from me and not speak to me.
15:52
And I use that opportunity
to be myself and
15:56
let them know me in a very disarming way.
15:58
When you have psychological
safety at work,
16:01
you're more comfortable
bringing your full self
16:04
An important question is
why does this even matter?
16:14
Who cares if I can relate to my
co-workers or if I show up authentically?
16:17
One, your company should.
16:20
Creating space for people to show up
authentically is a huge step in developing
16:23
an inclusive environment.
16:26
When employees feel safe, and
like they can be themselves,
16:28
the ideas they come up with soar
the investment they have in their work is
16:32
unmatched and
ultimately the product benefits.
16:36
But most importantly, you should care.
16:38
So much of our time is spent at work and
hiding parts of ourselves,
16:41
gets exhausting.
16:46
It can foster resentment towards
your work and can lead to burnout.
16:47
On top of that, not showing up
authentically means you're not being
16:52
your best self or contributing your best
ideas or living in your best potential,
16:56
which let's be real can
stunt your career growth.
17:00
Remember that in life, we're all
working towards being our most ideal.
17:06
So our best self,
17:10
showing up authentically doesn't mean
you aren't still working towards that.
17:11
It probably means you're working
even harder at doing that.
17:16
And it means that you get to
decide what that looks like.
17:20
You define who your ideal self is
not a mold you're trying to or
17:23
suppose to fit into.
17:27
Showing up authentically also doesn't mean
that you aren't gonna say the wrong thing,
17:29
or half or timing and
delivering a message, or
17:34
that all your ideas are the best.
17:36
But it does mean that you do so
with the best intention.
17:39
You learn, continue growing and
continue showing up, creating space for
17:42
yourself and others.
17:47
So I've been saying, be yourself,
be yourself and I mean it, but
17:51
we should also talk about
some boundaries at work and
17:54
how to balance professionalism and
authenticity.
17:57
I'm talking about conversations that
we should probably stay away from.
18:00
Your party habits,
should not talk about that at work.
18:05
Save that for your friends, but
your favorite restaurants or
18:09
bars are probably okay.
18:12
I'm a foodie and
almost all I talk about is food.
18:14
So I absolutely want to know where your
favorite dive bar is with the best
18:17
mozzarella sticks.
18:20
But I don't need to know how much
you drink on Thursday night.
18:22
Don't get too personal with a large crowd.
18:26
While you wanna be yourself,
your colleagues are just that.
18:28
They're colleagues and
more times than not,
18:31
they're not the folks that you're
gonna hang out with on the weekend.
18:33
So be cautious about the information
that you're sharing.
18:36
Most people would say,
stay away from politics.
18:40
I agree with that to some extent,
but I think that the social and
18:43
political climate affects us more
than we have previously acknowledged.
18:46
Definitely not a great idea to
talk about who you voted for or
18:50
shaming others about who they voted for,
especially in public spaces, be cautious.
18:54
Or really maybe stay away
from who you voted for, and
19:00
who asking other people
who they voted for.
19:03
It is important to think
about what you're saying.
19:06
And if something can offend someone,
this is still a workplace and
19:09
you'll have to see these people
people day in and day out.
19:13
Talking about politicians
is not a good look, but
19:16
talking about how policies can
affect your life specifically,
19:19
or what you're experiencing can
happen in small and safe spaces.
19:23
And really just a good thumb,
a rule of thumb is if it feels icky,
19:28
stay away from it.
19:33
Behaviors to avoid, inappropriate jokes.
19:34
I cannot tell you how many times someone
has made an offensive joke in a meeting
19:38
and when called out their response
is always something like but
19:42
I told that joke to my friend, why not?
19:45
No, this is work, right?
19:47
We can be amicable together,
right and work together, but
19:49
that doesn't mean that all of the things
that you would talk about with your
19:52
friends should be talked
about with your colleagues.
19:55
And more importantly, ways to show up and
showcase your personality and shine.
20:01
Opening up about how life experiences
have brought you to where you are or
20:06
why you're passionate about specific
things is a great way to let your
20:09
colleagues get to know you.
20:13
And to continue showing up authentically,
right?
20:15
Because who you are and what you're
passionate about shapes the way that you
20:17
show up and shapes how you problem solve
or solve problems, or think critically.
20:23
Sharing that information can be
really helpful with your colleagues.
20:30
The bottom line is be yourself and
be proud of who you are, but
20:37
remember, your office is
not your college quad.
20:40
I want to leave you with a couple
of questions to think about.
20:43
You might not have the answers to
them right now, and that's normal,
20:47
but think about it and let that help
form how you show up moving forward.
20:52
How do you define authenticity for
yourself?
20:59
What does your authentic self looks like?
21:02
And how do you continue
bringing that person forward?
21:05
What is currently preventing you from
showing up authentically at work?
21:10
Is it your peers, your boss,
not knowing that you should or can?
21:13
Figure out what that looks like for
you also.
21:19
And what do you need to shed in
order to show up more authentically?
21:22
The moment you stop trying
to be who everyone else or
21:29
what everyone else wants you to be, the
sooner you'll watch your career take off,
21:32
your mental head space changes,
21:36
and the way that you're fulfilled in the
things that you do at work sort of shifts.
21:38
Ooh, I ran through that really quickly.
21:45
[LAUGH] So,
do you guys have any questions?
21:47
Want to talk through anything?
21:52
I do see Patricia say that one thing she
dislikes is people at work asking to
21:56
touch her hair and
authentically telling them no.
22:01
Yeah, things like that, right?
22:05
Being able to have those
conversations with people and
22:06
not feel that you have to say like,
okay, yes, because you're at work.
22:09
As you see it, talking about code
switching versus being your own self is
22:38
kind of an oxymoron and kind of tricky,
I struggle finding the balance.
22:42
I think that's the point, right?
22:47
Code switching is totally the opposite
of being your authentic self.
22:48
So we should not code switch as much,
right?
22:54
And I know that it's hard because people
tell us that we have to speak a certain
22:58
way or present ourselves a certain way
in order to be respected or to be heard.
23:04
We should be like we are sitting
at the same table or
23:13
should be sitting at the same table.
23:16
And I think once you find that confidence
in showing up authentically and
23:18
being your full and true self at work,
23:24
that pressure of code-switching
sort of dwindles away a bit.
23:27
Any other questions or
thoughts that you wanna talk about?
24:16
Best food in life?
24:33
Oof!
24:37
That is really tough.
24:42
My current obsession is
brisket grilled cheese
24:45
sandwich from this barbecue
place that's nearby.
24:50
It's currently my favorite thing ever.
24:58
I did just get back from Mexico and we did
this, it's called the travelers table.
25:01
And they sort of do a history lesson
through food in this part of Mexico that
25:07
I was in until the five course meal and it
started with like ancient Mayan people and
25:13
like food that they use,
ingredients that were in this part of
25:19
Mexico at the time, and
then brought it up to present day.
25:24
So I think that was, probably,
25:28
maybe my best food from
somewhere that I've traveled
25:30
I'm glad you guys enjoyed our chat.
25:45
You don't know if it's good or
bad, but there's no questions.
25:52
[LAUGH] Some additional topics or
additional resources?
25:56
For sure.
26:05
I think psychological safety is
a huge one, to be able to help
26:05
other people show up authentically and
like give them spaces to do that.
26:10
Forbes has a really great article,
Which I will share here,
26:17
About promoting psychological
safety at work.
26:33
So that's really great.
26:37
How do you coach your team to show up
authentically now that the pandemic is
26:43
subsiding?
26:47
Is there a pressure to go back to normal?
26:48
I think the pandemic has sort
of shifted what normal is and
26:50
given us this sort of all around grace,
right?
26:56
Because when the pandemic
first started and
27:01
everyone was first working from home,
I think that was like the most pressure
27:04
to figure out this balance between how do
I prove I'm still being productive but
27:09
also trying to figure out
what's happening in my life.
27:15
And I think that shifted what
productivity really looks like.
27:18
I think before it was, be at your computer
for six hours out of the day, and
27:25
make sure that you're communicating
with everyone constantly.
27:29
But that's not necessarily true, right?
27:34
You can take more time to yourself,
and I think working from home
27:37
has helped us find pockets of
time to really focus and dive in.
27:42
So I think that our new normal looks
27:47
different with how to relate
productivity to that.
27:50
When I talk to my team about
showing up authentically,
27:56
I don't think that necessarily just
means how you present online, right?
28:01
And because we have been home for
the last year and a half,
28:09
a lot of how you show up has been online.
28:13
But a lot of that stuff
still translates to how you
28:16
work in the office when,
maybe even more so.
28:20
I think it's easier to be
yourself when you're at home and
28:24
you're not being seen by people all day.
28:28
So, feeling comfortable
in what you wear and
28:32
being in spaces that make
you feel confident and
28:35
comfortable is another way
to show up authentically.
28:39
Showing up in meetings,
28:43
participating in meetings that can
happen online virtually or in-person.
28:45
Can you share an example of authenticity
showing up as lack of professionalism?
28:50
I was in a meeting.
28:59
This was maybe a year and
a half, two years ago.
29:03
I was in this meeting with someone
who I think they're a lovely human,
29:13
but sort of the information that
they were sharing in this meeting
29:18
got a little too personal, and
I would never want to say to someone
29:23
like there are parts of yourself that you
should hide because I don't believe that.
29:28
I do think that there is a balance of what
your coworkers should know about you.
29:35
If you have illegal drug habits,
maybe you don't share that with
29:43
your coworkers in a meeting
where bosses might be there.
29:48
So I think those kind of conversations.
29:52
Lack of professionalism, but I mean if
that's where you are and that's what you
29:56
do outside of work live your best life,
but maybe don't broadcast that.
30:01
If you would not want it documented
somewhere, maybe you don't share it.
30:05
Do you feel your authentic self needs to
be balanced in any way with fitting in
30:11
That's a tough one.
30:20
I think that I don't know that
I love the term fitting in.
30:22
Because I think it implies that
a newcomer has to adapt, not adapt.
30:29
What's the word I'm looking for.
30:37
>> Simile.
30:43
>> A simile,
thank you my wife is in the background.
30:45
Fitting in with suggest that the newcomer
needs to assimilate to what's
30:48
happening around them and
the group that is there,
30:53
which I think is part of the issue
with company culture, or that term.
30:56
So I think instead of fitting in,
it's more of how we're a company culture.
31:03
How do I add to the culture here?
31:08
How do I contribute to what's happening.
31:11
And being yourself I think is what gives
more people the space to be themselves and
31:13
gives room for more people to
have a seat at the table and
31:20
more differences to be accepted and
respected and recognized.
31:25
How would you incorporate your authentic
self to speak up when that someone is
32:21
being deliberately disrespectful?
32:25
I think it's important not to shy away
from speaking out for yourself, right?
32:33
And I'm also kind of curious if you
mean like someone's being disrespectful
32:39
to yourself or to others, but
I guess in either way, it doesn't matter.
32:43
If I can tell it somewhere do
not do that in big meetings or
32:48
in front of a lot of people cuz
people will get defensive and
32:53
then that can turn into
a really nasty argument.
32:57
Pull them aside, right,
and have a conversation.
33:01
These things that you said,
this thing that you did you.
33:04
This is how that came off to me and
this is why that was offensive to me.
33:08
When I think about someone being
deliberately disrespectful to
33:14
someone else, it's important to
me to make sure the person that
33:19
it is happening to is okay
with me saying something.
33:23
Some people aren't comfortable with that,
right and are very conflict avoidant.
33:28
And those saying something would to them
feels like putting pressure on them and
33:33
having them maybe having to have
a conversation that they're not
33:37
comfortable with.
33:41
So I think it depends where that
disrespect is being directed.
33:42
And then having a conversation
with that person about it.
33:49
What's your take on taking a personal
day when you're just not feeling it?
34:00
Good idea, or slippery slope?
34:03
Absolutely a good idea.
34:05
Mental health days
are incredibly important.
34:07
I think the pandemic taught
a lot of companies that.
34:09
I know if I am having a really crummy day,
I don't show up as my best self.
34:15
I can get snippy or
34:20
get a little curt in my responses.
34:23
And no,
I don't want to come off that way and
34:28
I don't want people to receive that or
internalize how I am feeling,
34:31
especially when a lot of our
conversation is happening in text.
34:35
It's very easy to misinterpret the way
that someone is saying something and
34:39
implied tone that may or may not be there.
34:44
And I have a tendency, It's
34:48
easier to miss read my text
when I'm not at my best.
34:53
So I absolutely think you should take
personal time and take a personal day,
34:59
take a mental health day.
35:03
And also you come first,
your well being, your mental and
35:04
emotional health should always come first.
35:10
So if you need that absolutely take that.
35:15
How do you as a manager
lead by example and
35:23
encourage your direct reports
to be authentic while at work?
35:25
I think it's important to
set clear expectations.
35:29
And what you need to
succeed what you need to
35:33
do your job well, and setting boundaries.
35:38
I've had reports tell me some really
wild things that have happened
35:43
in team meetings, and they're not sure
how to respond to that or what to do.
35:48
And it's important to stand up for
yourself and,
35:54
Remember who you are, what you will
accept, what you will not accept, and
36:03
then sharing that in a respectful way
of course with those around you and
36:08
the people that you're working with.
36:13
My post-COVID travel destination.
36:47
Well, I just got back from
Mexico a couple days ago.
36:50
That was my first,
I don't really know for post-COVID, but
36:55
that was like my first
lockdown destination.
36:59
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